How Can a Father Walk Out on His Child
Why oh why do the fathers walk away?
(125 Posts)
KayOwe123 Mon 03-Aug-15 18:32:50
Please help me to understand why a child's father would decide to walk away from his relationship with his child. As mothers, you are probably well aware of the hurt your child experiences when their father leaves but when happens, long term, if he just doesn't want to know.
Was it another relationship? Was it work? Was it drink, drugs, gambling etc? Was he just a child himself? Is it just because the relationship was too toxic and one of you decided to end it and continuing contact would be too painful for both of you?
Are there any men out there who can explain to me what went wrong and how you feel?
Please help - I'm trying to make sense of absent and disaffected dads because maybe there's another side to the story...........
woowoo22 Mon 03-Aug-15 20:09:28
Offred Mon 03-Aug-15 20:10:01
Because they quite simply don't see the child/children as their responsibility.
woowoo22 Mon 03-Aug-15 20:10:09
There is no excuse in my book. And I've heard them, am a LP. Twunts.
Offred Mon 03-Aug-15 20:12:22
Often they have some kind of narrative to explain why they feel that's a reasonable thing to belief - it's women's work, the mother has not made it easy to see the DC, they themselves had a bad childhood etc but it all boils down to not believing it is their responsibility.
britneyspearscatsuit Mon 03-Aug-15 20:14:59
Not believing it's their responsibility / not caring even if they do?
lighteningirl Mon 03-Aug-15 20:15:24
Sometimes they are driven away I guess every case is different and not every man is to blame in sixteen years as a single parent I saw shocking truly shocking behaviour from both father's and mothers.
tattychicken Mon 03-Aug-15 20:16:20
GiddyOnZackHunt Mon 03-Aug-15 20:18:28
Not all of them do walk away.
butterflygirl15 Mon 03-Aug-15 20:18:30
Canyouforgiveher Mon 03-Aug-15 20:19:38
Sometimes they are driven away
Funny how few mothers are driven away. Except in extremely rare, newsworthy cases, "driven away" is just part of the narrative mentioned by offred.
needs30hoursintheday Mon 03-Aug-15 20:25:30
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
RobinandRowena Mon 03-Aug-15 20:28:13
Because unevolved men are programmed to only care for the children of the woman they are in love with at the time!
Offred Mon 03-Aug-15 20:39:26
Of course not all of them do!!! The op is talking about the ones who do!!!
Jerseyknit Mon 03-Aug-15 20:40:05
Interesting Robin 
I like a new theory.
Offred Mon 03-Aug-15 20:43:42
Yeah, I'm not sure those men do care for the children so much as want to keep the woman they are with happy with them.
BearFoxBear Mon 03-Aug-15 20:45:16
I know 2 men who have no idea where their children are - one being my dh - and it destroyed him for a long time. His ex up and left with their baby when he was at work. She'd been having an affair. He has paid for a child who probably doesn't even know he exists for the past 12 years. It is really upsetting for him, absolutely not what he wanted and I know that he's not alone. Yes a lot of men are useless, but some are the ones who are left behind.
Robinandrowena Mon 03-Aug-15 20:45:40
Ask any 'caveman' Jersey!
Offred Mon 03-Aug-15 20:46:31
Yes, we know some are cut out and many step up but the op is asking when dads do walk away why do they do that.
TheFormidableMrsC Mon 03-Aug-15 20:56:02
Having put me under considerable pressure (including attempts to scupper contraception) and indeed after 11 years of marriage, I had a baby at 42. I did in fact challenge him when the pregnancy was confirmed because I just KNEW he wouldn't be able to stick with it. He did indeed walk out 2 1/2 years later having had an an affair. His excuses were "I can't do this anymore", "I need to get my life back", "DS was a mistake and you should have had an abortion", "I need kisses and cuddles and somebody to greet me nicely everytime I walk through the door". He was a shit father and remains a shit father. I, on the other hand, as expected, am bringing up my daughter and my autistic 4 year old with zero support from him. Some people just shouldn't have children.
Pinkballoon Mon 03-Aug-15 21:19:55
Because they can. They should be named and shamed.
Similar to TheFormidableMrsC, I was begged to have a child with my ex at 43. He then went on to cheat, lie, scheme, drink (alcoholic), until I had to chuck him out, leaving me alone with a young baby and a then 10 year old. He has since seen his daughter for a total of 30 minutes in the space of 18 months, during which he burst into tears in front of her and ran off. Repeatedly turned down supervised access. I asked him to have treatment for his addictions before undertaking unsupervised access. Never has and has never applied to the court to see her. Couldn't even be bothered to send her a card at Christmas, let alone a Christmas present or Birthday present. I get occasional tearful drunken texts and emails, but most of the time I am machine gunned with quasi legal letters threatening me with all sorts.
And on another point, I haven't had a break since she's been born. 24/7. Whilst the ex has flown off on 6 holidays in a 4 month period with a woman he'd picked up off the internet a few weeks prior. Spending all of the money earmarked for his daughter's rehousing and leaving me to drag him into court time after time.
These men really should be named and shamed. And the women and family that enable their behaviour.
SadieSue29 Mon 03-Aug-15 21:24:25
My sons dad just doesn't think he's his responsibility, we were married when our son was born, split when he was 20 months, has had contact most weeks since and has decided 2 weeks ago to no longer see our son who is now 4. He also doesn't believe he has a responsibility to pay for him. I am ashamed I married this person.
Offred Mon 03-Aug-15 21:30:14
XP is the 'I had a shit childhood' kind of responsibility avoider, XH is the opposite - wants to keep the DC all the time and keep me away whether it's good for them or not because he doesn't want to 'give up' 'his' family.
I find it difficult to deal with both of them TBH. Wish they would think about the DC rather than their own insecurities.
Rebecca2014 Mon 03-Aug-15 21:33:02
They just don't want the responsibly, that is the reason I think my ex is such a flake when it comes to our child. Funny thing is these men never have a problem finding a new woman to create another family with.
Offred Mon 03-Aug-15 21:35:39
I think they don't see it as 'creating a family' often. XP sabotaged contraception to get me PG twice but he didn't want a baby or a family.
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How Can a Father Walk Out on His Child
Source: https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2440525-Why-oh-why-do-the-fathers-walk-away